Coping With The Intersections Of Life
Yesterday I had an afternoon job interview. The interview went extremely well, but I could not stop thinking about the varying levels of stress I endured beforehand. Like most, my stress involved what to say, what to wear, and which hair style I was going to choose. It was in that moment I realized as a dark skin mature adult Black women, I have so much more to stress about. My first challenge was what to wear? I don’t want to appear too old, too buttoned up, or heaven forbid, unfashionable. Black blazer and tan turtleneck was the final decision. Then, as I stared at my hair I realized I had a few gray hairs growing in the front and sides. As I panicked, I began to become more aware of the braids that adorned the front portion of my hair. What will the interviewer think of an older Black woman with braids? Will they perceive me to be too ethnic or too old for the position, or even worse too ethnic and too old? I stared in the mirror for a moment reminiscing about when I would take out my braids a day before my job interviews in my earlier years. I felt shame having these thoughts, but still decided to use mascara to cover the few gray hairs and to tuck my braids away under a headband. I quickly got dressed and then glanced in the mirror to get the full effect of the entire ensemble. I looked at my face and thought to myself how can I appear softer looking. Nothing screams run to a eurocentric employer like an assertive and darker skinned Black woman. I usually don’t wear makeup but I opted to put some on to appear more feminine and appeasing.
Outfit, check, hair, check, makeup, check, and now I had to practice what to say. I was so exhausted and exasperated from the mental stress of preparing aesthetically, I had no more energy to think about what I was going to say during the interview. I decided to just be authentically me and be honest about the myriad of skills and assets I bring to the table. I learned something today, as confident as I am in my abilities I still suffer from insecurities that can be so overwhelming. These insecurities are magnified by societal standards and expectations of beauty and age, and further amplified by the challenges and pressures experienced from race and gender roles. Indivdually all three identifications can be difficult, but suffering from all three sites of oppression at one time can cause traumatic lasting effects to the detriment of one’s mental health.
How do we escape the negative intersectional impacts of age, gender, and race?
Redefining femininity and beauty.
More diverse representations of age, gender, and race on screen and in leadership roles.
inclusive training which fosters inclusive leadership, and interviewing and hiring practices.
Sharing our experiences (don’t suffer in silence).
Take a moment to acknowledge the wonderful being you are.
