“The Apologizer”

As women there is an expectation and self inflicted pressure to conform to gendered ideology and societal norms, which have taught us to be empathetic, subservient, polite, and the worse one of them all, “ladylike”. What does “ladylike even mean? It means that as women we are raised that our being, takes a backseat to everyone else’s feelings and pain. Women smile when they are angry, sad, fatigue, or sick. The awkward task of smiling on cue, helps to put everyone at ease to the detriment of their own wellbeing. Apologizing has become a cloak of unworthiness, shame, and lack of confidence for women. Women say sorry to cushion the blow, assuage other’s guilt, help others save face, make others feel confident, as an entrance to conversation, and to avoid conflict. Prefacing conversations with “I’m sorry or forgive me”, as an opening liner or to ameliorate discomfort, minimizes voice and affects one’s sense of self and agency. Not to mention, constantly having to feign niceness or apologize emphatically for something that is not your fault becomes mentally exhausting!

As a society we have to do better with recognizing and championing confidence, intelligence, ambition, and assertiveness in women and in our daughters. Embrace conflict and disagreement, learn to lean into the discomfort, and learn to manage conflict and not let it manage you. Finally, how about as women we shape how womanhood is communicated and begin communicating with confidence. Resist being overly empathetic, subservient, polite, and the dreaded “ladylike”.

Ladies let’s stop apologizing!